


Where You Are

by Deadpool1763492



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, Project Freelancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 06:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13652916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadpool1763492/pseuds/Deadpool1763492
Summary: A story of how Agent New York felt after escaping Project Freelancer when it came to Agent Carolina, loosely based off of his journal logs and the song "Half Life."





	Where You Are

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short piece written to go along with the song "Half Life." Honestly, when I listened to the song the first time I finished the series, the first thing that I thought of was the relationship between Agent New York and Agent Carolina. I hope you enjoy!

_In love in need_

_In want in miss_

_I taste your bite_

_I_ _taste your kiss_

I don’t remember much of anything anymore, but how could I forget her? She was my everything. The only reason I first joined was to protect her, and she knew that. She knew that I cared for her. Why didn’t she return the feelings? I know she felt them. I knew she was the one the moment she took the lighter from my hand that one night. She looked so beautiful that night…

 

_And I think back_

_The things you said_

_They make me mad_

_A bull to red_

She…she betrayed me. She let her anger and jealously take over her mind and it destroyed her. It took over her mind until it was all that was left. Damnit, why?! Why the hell did she just…just leave me? Didn’t she know how much it hurt? How much it destroyed me in the end? She left me…she left me because the leaderboard had taken over her entire life. And I couldn’t do anything to bring her back to me.

 

_And I wonder where you are_

_And I wonder what you wore_

_And I'm lost inside a bar_

_And I'm drunk inside a war_

_And I wonder where you are_

 

Are you still there, Carolina? You know I would never give up on you. And I still haven’t. Everything I do, it’s all to find you one day. It’s all my life revolves around. You’re still alive, right? You have to be. Nothing has ever stopped you; why should something like that be the first? How…how could someone like you just die like that? No, you’re still alive. You have to be alive. I know it. If you aren’t, then why am I still here? I know I’m not going to die before seeing you again. Not before I can hold you in my arms again, and not before I can feel your lips against mine. No, I can’t die before that. I can’t.

 

_Drinking Martinis by myself_

_On a Sunday_

_Drinking Martinis again_

_On a Monday_

What am I supposed to do without you, Carolina? I was nothing before you. I was just some thief with a few dumbass friends and a lighter. You, on the other hand…you were perfect. You were strong, beautiful, confident…you were everything anyone could ever ask for. And, your smile. That smile could cause every war in the galaxy to end. What happened to that smile after that dreaded project? What was the whole point of it? It only destroyed everyone in the end.  

 

_It's a half-life_

_It's a half-life_

_It's a half-life_

_It's a half-life_

What is my life now? All I do is run, steal, hide, repeat. I know I will never find the happiness I felt when I was with you. The feelings I felt with you around are irreplaceable. I was whole with you with me. Now? Now I’m what I was before I met you: nothing. No, I’m worse than nothing now. Before, I didn’t know what that happiness felt like. Now, I do, and the hole in my heart will never heal. Not without you.

 

_I buy your brand_

_I smoke your brand_

_I count the what_

_Ifs on one hand_

Was it dangerous to love you during such dark times? Of course. But I knew you wouldn’t die. You couldn’t have. You’re too strong. If anything, I would be the one to die picking a lock or some shit. I wonder, would you cry if I died? No, I can’t think like that. I don’t want you to cry because of someone like me. Someone as stupid, idiotic, clingy, annoying, and weak as me. Why would you waste your tears? You’re already shown how you feel about me, right? I’m just a nuisance that you’re better off without. But, despite that, I’m still going to find you one day. I have to. You have to be alive. If not, well, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

 

_And I wonder where you are_

_And I wonder what you wore_

_And I'm lost inside a bar_

_And I'm drunk inside a war_

_And I wonder where you are_

 

Where are you, Carolina? Are you near? Are you still fighting? Of course you are. You’ve never been one to reject a challenge, no matter how small the odds seem. You’re a brave, strong, amazing person filled with the bravery I’ve always yearned to have. You know what to do, and when to do it. You know how to lead. I’m just a petty criminal who doesn’t know anything without someone like you to show me the way. I really miss you, Carolina. The way you laughed when I did something stupid, and the way you would roll your eyes every time I told you some pick-up line…what are you doing now? Do you ever think of me? If you do, what do you think about? All the good times? Or is it the last time all you recall?

 

_Drinking Martinis alone_

_Sunday morning_

_Drinking Martinis again_

_Sunday evening_

 

What’s even the point anymore? What are the chances of us reuniting, anyway? We’re probably lightyears apart at this point. Why do I still wish for this happy ending? I already know it’s not possible. But I must keep believing. What if it does happen? What if I do see her again? The day I see her again will be the greatest day of my life. I’ll…I’ll feel happy again. God, how much I miss you right now.

 

_It's a half-life_

_It's a half-life_

_It's a half-life_

_It's a half-life_

 

I hope you’re safe and happy. I really, really do. You are just…you are an amazing person, Carolina, and I wish the project didn’t change you the way it did. I loved you, and I still do. I know why you were like that. You were never one to back down when challenged, ever. I just wish it didn’t take over you. I wish you would’ve still listened to me when I talked to you. And, I know we will see each other again. We have to see each other again. If we don’t, well, then I hope you remember the good times we had, and I hope you’re happy wherever you are now, doing whatever you’re doing.

 

_And I wonder where you are..._

**Author's Note:**

> The story of York and Carolina has always pulled my interest. Their relationship was just so...unique, in its own way. Not to mention how tragically it all ended, with both of them broken in the end. I tried to incorporate the feeling into the story, and describe how York must've felt when Carolina didn't listen to him.
> 
> It's a bit short (only a little over 1000 words), but I originally just wrote it to post on Red vs Blue Amino for the Valentine's Day Challenge, so I didn't want to make it too long and bore people. It was really fun to write, though, and I would really appreciate your opinions on it. Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!


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